Trugreen doesnt keep your yard green, it just kills things

Today started out good, nice and cool in the morning, slight breeze, some thunder in the distance but just a few drops of rain. Lots of folks, including me on occasion, complain about summers in Florida, but it does have it's magical qualities: dew on the banana leaves, weird mushrooms popping up all over the yard, and the constant cleansing of the thunderstorms among other things. I got some much needed weeding done, planted a couple butterfly plants, and while I was goofing off in the yard the Trugreen "ChemLawn" truck pulled up across the street. I hate Trugreen and for the life of me, can't figure out why anyone would want to spray highly toxic chemicals in their yard. So I went over to the Trugreen guy to ask.

Me: Hi, I notice you have a picture of a big Dalmatian on the side of your truck. I'm just curious, is this stuff you're spraying safe for dogs?

Trugreen Guy: Well...They say you're not supposed to have pets or children on it until it dries.

Me: What about adults?

TG: (perplexed look) Them too.

Me: So what's with the big Dalmatian on the truck?

TG: I'm not sure, cute I guess...

Me: Do you think it sends a message to folks that the stuff your spraying in the yard is safe for pets.

TG: Well, it's safe after it dries but I wouldnt go rolling around in it. (laughs)

Me: It looks like it's going to be wet all day today, how does that affect this stuff you're spraying?

TG: Well, it's going to take longer for the stuff to seep in...

Me: The pesticide?

TG: Yes.

Me: Does Trugreen kill all pests equally like ladybugs and butterflies?

TG: It doesnt discriminate.

I chitchatted with the guy for a little bit because he seemed nice enough. Moved down here from Boston, just doing his job, but I made it pretty clear I was skeptical of the chemicals and when he got down to spraying I made a hasty exit. Much to my surprise, the dude comes stomping on in my open back gate five minutes later in his chemically soaked boots to give me his card.

"Hey, if your interested, give my boss a call for a free lawn analysis."

The chemicals must've gotten to this guy's brain. How the hell he could surmise that I might possibly be interested in his toxic product after our conversation I'll never know, but now he was in my yard dripping with the shit.

"You know I eat these things?" I ask, pointing to the squash and papaya trees. "The roots go under the grass and if you sprayed my yard with chemicals the roots would suck it up and it would go into the fruit and then i would eat it."

It took a second for that to sink in.

"Well, give us a call, we might have something that can work for ya."

"Get the hell outta my yard!" I thought. But I didn't say it because I'm too nice of a guy, But I did lead him the hell out of the quickest exit as far away from any edibles as possible. Some folks might think I'm paranoid, which is true, but check this out:

Barry was a professional turf master, and the chemicals he worked with may have mutated his sperm or poisoned the infant in utero. Every time Jackie washed her husband's uniforms, the chemicals may have been absorbed through her skin and permeated the placenta. The child was born with a severe and fatal type of dwarfism. Jackie held her son only once before he died due to massive failure of his underdeveloped organs.

and

Kevin Ryan from Arlington Heights, Illinois, feels like a prisoner in his home. "I can't even play in my own yard because the neighbors spray their lawns and trees", he says. Kevin suffered routine chemical exposure as a toddler from lawn spraying, and now suffers nausea, irritability, fatigue, and loss of memory whenever pesticides are nearby.

and

Christina Locek was a professional ice skater and pianist before her health was destroyed in 1985, when a her neighbor s lawn was sprayed with pesticides. Her cat and dog died that same day, and she suffers headaches, partial paralysis, vision loss, and blood disorders.

There's a host of other pesticide horror stories here. One last spooky thing: I went to the TruGreen website and read this:

"The law does not allow anyone to claim that pesticide ingredients are "safe." All substances (including those found in products we consume daily, e.g. caffeine in coffee, aspirin) are toxic/hazardous at some dose, but present little risk at the intended or recommended dose."

Hmmm, Just as safe as a cup of coffee, eh?

From the National Coalition for Pesticide-Free Lawns:

Of 30 commonly used lawn pesticides, 19 are linked with cancer or carcinogencity, 13 are linked with birth defects, 21 with reproductive effects, 26 with liver or kidney damage, 15 with neurotoxicity, and 11 with disruption of the endocrine (hormonal) system.